Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
