If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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