Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
