i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
