PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
