Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
too bad you live with your parents still
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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