Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
