You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
