Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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