And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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