You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
