dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
