Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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