we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
