is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
