I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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