you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
