every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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