We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
