This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
