...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
nut hugger
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
