okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
