I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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