why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
