Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
