I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
