My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you never un-have a 4some
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
