I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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