Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
