I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
