Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
