i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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