i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
