two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
