Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
