Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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