Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
