I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
