do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
