So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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