I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need water and some morals
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
