areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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