I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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