hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
