Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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