Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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