I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
