On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
