the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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