Plan B is the new Plan A
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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