why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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