Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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