so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
