Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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