I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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