can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
