dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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