I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
