How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
